What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
