loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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