You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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