I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
