I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
