First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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