Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sorry my hands just texted you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Two words: blizzard sex
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