If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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