the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
