So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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