Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
