I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
