I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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