My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
