OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
