Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
