There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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