what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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