Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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