goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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