Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
