he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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