You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
