I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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