The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
