Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
