And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is Oprah even human
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
