True but thats because hes a fetus.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
