new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
