she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
