i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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