Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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