I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize