i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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