I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
