the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
