Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
