He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
