Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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Did I show you my penis last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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