And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm getting married
To pizza
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
