never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
