If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
