I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
