Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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