lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We left the knife in your bed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
