We got so high we made milksteak
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
