nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
