Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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