Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize