Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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