Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
