i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
