So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Randomize
