well I can't set my house on fire every night
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
