Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
