I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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