Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
