At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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