Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
