moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
