were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
