I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
