can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
