My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
