5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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