my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
