Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
