he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
