Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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