Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
