We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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