I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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