actually, I'm a sock model
Plan B is the new Plan A
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
