you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize