At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
