her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You pole danced in your parka.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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