how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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