you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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