he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
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You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize