Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
