pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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