You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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