Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
