I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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